I'm fat.

Plain and simple, I'm fat. I always have been. I'm 28, 5'4", and as of this morning 270 pounds. Told you I was fat.

I've always been overweight - I can't remember a time when I wasn't. Looking back at my school pictures, I can see the time when I "porked out" - it was about 3rd grade. Up until then I looked like a normal kid, but then it's like I just got huge. I can remember my mom taking me to the doctor for some tests, but he just said it was genetics. My senior year I lost some weight and the smallest I got was a size 14 - and I still thought I was so huge! *insert eye roll here*

Then there was college - I just gained, and gained, and gained. My last year of college I managed to eat better and exercise, but I just maintained. The last 5 years or so that I've been out of school I've gone through periods of maintaining, then gaining 5-10 pounds, then maintaining, rinse and repeat.

I hit my highest sometime last year at 275 and finally said enough is enough. I've been pretty steady at 268 for the last several months now (until PMS + last nights overindulging). I've made little efforts towards losing, got a WW at home kit, started working out sporadically...now I just have to put it all together and KEEP AT IT! See, the thing is I'm a certified athletic trainer - I have a degree in exercises science. I work with athletes every day. I KNOW what I have to do and how to do it - I just don't. And it's funny, because I really DO LIKE to exercise. I just have a lot of excuses of why I shouldn't on a particular day.

Eating right is really hard too. It doesn't help that my boyfriend (of 9 years) doesn't like to eat healthy. He's pretty much anti-vegetable. It's hard enough to cook a meal for 2 people, but to cook 2-1person meals is even tougher so I just try to make something that is OK-healthy wise but he'll still eat. I'm definitely an emotional eater too, and at times a binge eater - although I've been able to get some control over that.

I'm hoping by blogging here with you all it will help keep me accountable. My first goal is to lose 10% - so 27 pounds. yikes. But it's better than being discouraged by the 140 or so pounds I want to lose overall.

I'm starting to use my WW stuff again, and will give exercising another shot. I was doing pretty good before x-mas, but the last 2 weeks haven't done anything. I have no excuse - I have free access to the weight/cardio rooms at the school and they're in the balcony above the gym, right outside my training room door.

Here's my points for today from 5pm on: (I've found that if I start my points "day" at 5, I don't have as much of a problem with going over - Dinner is my main meal, so I have an easier time with not worrying all day if I'll have enough points for dinner, and thus I'm not worrying/thinking about food constantly.)

Dinner:
6 oz. boneless skinless chicken breast fried in about 1 tsp margarine: 7 pts
1/2 cup couscous: 1.5 pts
1 cup mixed veggies: 1 pt

Snack:
orange 1.5 pts (it was kinda big)
Total so far = 11 points
Daily Target 30 points

Water: 60 oz