Friday, December 12, 2008
Motivation
This morning I went through some old clothes and pulled out a few pairs of pants, each in a different size. They are my motivation pants. Sometime in the next couple weeks I'm going to take pictures of me in each of these pairs of pants, and trust me, the 2 smaller sizes will not be pretty. But I need to have a record of what I look like, not being able to get those pants on and how it feels. Then, when the DO fit (and eventually are too big) I can look back and see how far I came and compare the feelings. It's hard to believe that these pants fit me at one time. I know I've gained weight over the years, I've seen the numbers on the scale increase. But since I've been overweight my entire life, it's like I can't see the difference - I just see fat. Don't get me wrong, I look back at high school and early college years pics and can definitely see the weight gain. In my head though, my body image is still the same. What do they call that? Body dysmorphic somethingorother. Whatever it is, I know it's a HUGE issue I have to deal with in order to be successful.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
What does your weight do for you?
I came across this question when looking for some weight loss inspiration and it really got me thinking. What does my weight do for me right now?
It holds me back from doing things I want to do.
It lets me hide.
It gives me an excuse not to do things.
It lets me get away with comfort eating- I'm already fat so what's it going to hurt?
It allows me to be the introvert that I am - I just try to hide and not have to deal with people I don't know.
It allows me to fail - It gives me an excuse as to why I don't do anything with my life.
I also came across the couch to 5k program. I've seen it several times, but always thought, not me. I'll never do that, even if I lose the weight. Well, why the hell not? See, that's just using the excuse not to do things.
I think I'm getting ready to maybe finally do it this time. It's like I'm CONSTANTLY thinking about losing weight, how I can do it, what I need to do, etc. So I'm going to post more and hope we can all keep each other motivated. I've got some more posts lined up, but I've always been so bad at blogging we'll see if I actually get them up, LOL!
Oh, and you guys should post a list answering that question I started with. Good or bad, what does your weight do for you?
It holds me back from doing things I want to do.
It lets me hide.
It gives me an excuse not to do things.
It lets me get away with comfort eating- I'm already fat so what's it going to hurt?
It allows me to be the introvert that I am - I just try to hide and not have to deal with people I don't know.
It allows me to fail - It gives me an excuse as to why I don't do anything with my life.
I also came across the couch to 5k program. I've seen it several times, but always thought, not me. I'll never do that, even if I lose the weight. Well, why the hell not? See, that's just using the excuse not to do things.
I think I'm getting ready to maybe finally do it this time. It's like I'm CONSTANTLY thinking about losing weight, how I can do it, what I need to do, etc. So I'm going to post more and hope we can all keep each other motivated. I've got some more posts lined up, but I've always been so bad at blogging we'll see if I actually get them up, LOL!
Oh, and you guys should post a list answering that question I started with. Good or bad, what does your weight do for you?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Karens fitness Challenge Week of 10/12-10/18
10/12- 2 mile walk It took forever due to my children "riding" their bikes along with me. Bobby took them to the park though so I got about 15 minutes of heavy intensity.
10/13- Didn't happen we went to the new library instead.
10/14 -
10/15 - 30 minutes fast walk
10/16
10/17
10/18
10/13- Didn't happen we went to the new library instead.
10/14 -
10/15 - 30 minutes fast walk
10/16
10/17
10/18
Saturday, October 11, 2008
OMG, I Can't Stop Laughing
I'm reading How to Eat Like a Hot Chick and while it's not really scientific, it is a light hearted way to look at eating. Yesterday, I ate like a hot chick.
Fitness Challenge
Ok ladies!
I don't know if you are keeping up with this site or not.
If you are, let's have a fitness challenge this week.
The challenge is to exercise 5 of 7 days for at least 30 minutes a day.
Post either in a new post or in the comments on how you are doing.
I am quite poor right now so the prize will be in how good you will feel at the end of the week!
Challenge starts tomorrow 10-12.
I don't know if you are keeping up with this site or not.
If you are, let's have a fitness challenge this week.
The challenge is to exercise 5 of 7 days for at least 30 minutes a day.
Post either in a new post or in the comments on how you are doing.
I am quite poor right now so the prize will be in how good you will feel at the end of the week!
Challenge starts tomorrow 10-12.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
ah crap
I seriously have to do something about the weight. I had some woman next to me at school (that I thought was a lot bigger than me) today tell me about a plus size consignment shop. That is way out of hand.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Why?
I have to wonder why it is so difficult for me to lose weight. I have seen others do great just to gain it back. I have been uncomfortable with my weight since 4th grade when a little girl looked at me and said "Do you consider yourself fat, cuz I do!" Of course at the time I was already wearing a bra and she was a flat little pancake. I wonder if there was a little bit of jealousy there that she wasn't getting boobs. But, it stayed with me.
My Jr. year of high school is when I really started to plump up. We had moved, had a lot of other things going on in our lives, my boyfriend from my first high school said he showed my picture to a fried who said I was really fat. I will admit, it wasn't the most flattering picture around.
The first time I remember losing a bunch of weight I had hit 173. I started working at Gitano Factory Outlet store and was moving all of the time. I didn't do anything and lost at least 20 pounds. Then I discovered I could walk down to the food court and buy cookies.
When I started college I was a healthy 145 and a size 9. Of course my roommates were about a size 2...maybe a 6. One of them made a very hurtful comment about my weight and that has stuck with me too. She probably doesn't even remember doing it. Freshman year I walked everywhere. The cafe was not really an issue for me but then I started working at Burger King again. But, because I walked everywhere I don't remember gaining too much weight that year. Also, I lived in Yosemite the summer after Freshman year and hiked every weekend. This could be where some of my serious problem started.
My friends and I would hike 18 miles, have minimum food for the day, go to the general store and each get a pint of Ben and Jerrys. We would sit in a wide open field, rest and enjoy eating the entire pint. It wasn't just me! Our entire group was doing this together. But, We were active all the time.
When I came back to school I was in fantastic shape but still weighed in the 140 range and was still a size 9. I was still walking everywhere as I didn't have a car BUT I started dating Bobby. We went out to eat a lot and this is where I really started gaining. We were both busy with school, I was not nearly as active as I had been and when we got to hang out it was usually over food. Of course any time we hung out with friends we were eating as well.
By the time we graduated my weight had crept up to about 160. I was now a size 12 and very unhappy.
I was whining one day about how fat I was and she said "I am tired of hearing about it. If you're that miserable do something about it but I don't want to hear about it anymore!" I was kind of mad but realized she was right. She was actually being a really good friend by smacking me in the face like that.
I am a little fuzzy on which program I was on first Prism or Weigh Down. I gained weight on weigh down and felt like a horrible Christian. But, I did lose on Prism. Take away anything tasty and that will happen.
By the time we moved to Tennessee I was back down to 150 pounds. Now in this time I had already had gall bladder surgery.
Only a few months after we moved to Tennessee I got pregnant. So any dieting aspirations went out the window. I was so sick I actually lost weight in my first trimester. After I had my Munchkin I was thrilled that I went right back down to 170 and thought I would lose the rest quickly. When I got pregnant again 15 months later I was still at 170. When that Monkey came along I topped the scale at right around 200 pounds. I wasn't happy about it but thought it would go away like the first did. The weight did not melt off this time.
I had an emergency C-section with my 2nd child and it took a lot longer to heal. I did some Pilate's with friend and I am fairly certain I overextended what I should have been doing at that point. It is now 4 years later I my stomach muscles have not fully recovered.
I am still tipping the scales at 203.5. That SUCKS!
It sucks because I do not want to pass my crappy eating and lifestyle on to my kids. It sucks because I don't want to get out and hike or play tennis or walk. It also sucks because I have been walking our dog at least two miles several times a week and just keep going up.
I am tired of being the fat girl and hearing my skinny friends talk about how fat they are. I am tired of feeling like people are talking about how fat I am even though I am sure everyone has better things to talk about than how I got so fat.
It sucks because my clothes do not fit right. I have size 16 jeans that are too tight and size 18 that are falling off. That is the only pair I have bought because I refuse to buy anything bigger.
I feel like I have to do this all alone. I don't have support and really I want someone else to do it for me. I can' t afford any kind of program or the gym and frankly I would probably lie to the person weighing me and tell them their program wasn't working for some reason.
I probably sound like a complete headcase.
I want my children to be active and healthy. To not worry about what they are putting in their mouths all of the time and not to have to worry about their weight.
I want to be able to wear cute clothes and cute jeans. Not big ol fatty jeans.
I want to go out with friends and not always be the fat girl in the group.
Ugh. So here is the thing. I want to lose 20 pounds by Thanksgiving. Think I can do it? I have all the head knowledge I just really have to put it into practice. That is 14 weeks away. 2 pounds a week is healthy right? That would take me down to 183.5 and probably make me comfortable in my size 16s again.
Ok. Off to sparkpeople.com to look at menus and figure out how to lose 20 pounds.
My Jr. year of high school is when I really started to plump up. We had moved, had a lot of other things going on in our lives, my boyfriend from my first high school said he showed my picture to a fried who said I was really fat. I will admit, it wasn't the most flattering picture around.
The first time I remember losing a bunch of weight I had hit 173. I started working at Gitano Factory Outlet store and was moving all of the time. I didn't do anything and lost at least 20 pounds. Then I discovered I could walk down to the food court and buy cookies.
When I started college I was a healthy 145 and a size 9. Of course my roommates were about a size 2...maybe a 6. One of them made a very hurtful comment about my weight and that has stuck with me too. She probably doesn't even remember doing it. Freshman year I walked everywhere. The cafe was not really an issue for me but then I started working at Burger King again. But, because I walked everywhere I don't remember gaining too much weight that year. Also, I lived in Yosemite the summer after Freshman year and hiked every weekend. This could be where some of my serious problem started.
My friends and I would hike 18 miles, have minimum food for the day, go to the general store and each get a pint of Ben and Jerrys. We would sit in a wide open field, rest and enjoy eating the entire pint. It wasn't just me! Our entire group was doing this together. But, We were active all the time.
When I came back to school I was in fantastic shape but still weighed in the 140 range and was still a size 9. I was still walking everywhere as I didn't have a car BUT I started dating Bobby. We went out to eat a lot and this is where I really started gaining. We were both busy with school, I was not nearly as active as I had been and when we got to hang out it was usually over food. Of course any time we hung out with friends we were eating as well.
By the time we graduated my weight had crept up to about 160. I was now a size 12 and very unhappy.
I was whining one day about how fat I was and she said "I am tired of hearing about it. If you're that miserable do something about it but I don't want to hear about it anymore!" I was kind of mad but realized she was right. She was actually being a really good friend by smacking me in the face like that.
I am a little fuzzy on which program I was on first Prism or Weigh Down. I gained weight on weigh down and felt like a horrible Christian. But, I did lose on Prism. Take away anything tasty and that will happen.
By the time we moved to Tennessee I was back down to 150 pounds. Now in this time I had already had gall bladder surgery.
Only a few months after we moved to Tennessee I got pregnant. So any dieting aspirations went out the window. I was so sick I actually lost weight in my first trimester. After I had my Munchkin I was thrilled that I went right back down to 170 and thought I would lose the rest quickly. When I got pregnant again 15 months later I was still at 170. When that Monkey came along I topped the scale at right around 200 pounds. I wasn't happy about it but thought it would go away like the first did. The weight did not melt off this time.
I had an emergency C-section with my 2nd child and it took a lot longer to heal. I did some Pilate's with friend and I am fairly certain I overextended what I should have been doing at that point. It is now 4 years later I my stomach muscles have not fully recovered.
I am still tipping the scales at 203.5. That SUCKS!
It sucks because I do not want to pass my crappy eating and lifestyle on to my kids. It sucks because I don't want to get out and hike or play tennis or walk. It also sucks because I have been walking our dog at least two miles several times a week and just keep going up.
I am tired of being the fat girl and hearing my skinny friends talk about how fat they are. I am tired of feeling like people are talking about how fat I am even though I am sure everyone has better things to talk about than how I got so fat.
It sucks because my clothes do not fit right. I have size 16 jeans that are too tight and size 18 that are falling off. That is the only pair I have bought because I refuse to buy anything bigger.
I feel like I have to do this all alone. I don't have support and really I want someone else to do it for me. I can' t afford any kind of program or the gym and frankly I would probably lie to the person weighing me and tell them their program wasn't working for some reason.
I probably sound like a complete headcase.
I want my children to be active and healthy. To not worry about what they are putting in their mouths all of the time and not to have to worry about their weight.
I want to be able to wear cute clothes and cute jeans. Not big ol fatty jeans.
I want to go out with friends and not always be the fat girl in the group.
Ugh. So here is the thing. I want to lose 20 pounds by Thanksgiving. Think I can do it? I have all the head knowledge I just really have to put it into practice. That is 14 weeks away. 2 pounds a week is healthy right? That would take me down to 183.5 and probably make me comfortable in my size 16s again.
Ok. Off to sparkpeople.com to look at menus and figure out how to lose 20 pounds.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Temptation gone
Well those delicious Klondike Pretzel ice cream bars are no longer being sold in any of the stores I frequent. So, that is one temptation gone.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
How to Eat Like a Hot Chick
This was one of my books on my list to read. I picked it up last Friday at the new Barnes and Noble and read it in about 2 hours on Sunday.
It is written by 2 girls that have never had kids, sleep around, and go out drinking. With that description you might think it is a horrible book but you would be wrong. :)
I really enjoyed reading it, even though it had the F bomb in it more than once. It was all stuff that is common sense but written in a way to be funny and entertaining. Their whole idea is eat what you want but remember all of us girls under 5 foot 9 don't need 2000 calories a day like the food pyramid says. So, eat what you want but if you eat chocolate cake for breakfast eat a pound of spinach for dinner.
It was more about self esteem though too and kicking yourself in the hiney for talking down to yourself.
It was a quick read and I am glad I read it even though the two girls come from a different place than I am in right now.
It is written by 2 girls that have never had kids, sleep around, and go out drinking. With that description you might think it is a horrible book but you would be wrong. :)
I really enjoyed reading it, even though it had the F bomb in it more than once. It was all stuff that is common sense but written in a way to be funny and entertaining. Their whole idea is eat what you want but remember all of us girls under 5 foot 9 don't need 2000 calories a day like the food pyramid says. So, eat what you want but if you eat chocolate cake for breakfast eat a pound of spinach for dinner.
It was more about self esteem though too and kicking yourself in the hiney for talking down to yourself.
It was a quick read and I am glad I read it even though the two girls come from a different place than I am in right now.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Yeah me
I walked a mile tonight while hubby played with the kiddos at the park. It took me 4 songs on my mp3 player but that is ok. Feelin good!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Couple of Books
I would like to read:
Secrets of a Former Fat Girl
How to Eat Like Hot Chick
I hope they will be motivating and not make me want to quit.
Secrets of a Former Fat Girl
How to Eat Like Hot Chick
I hope they will be motivating and not make me want to quit.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Temptation
Have you seen Larry Boy and the Bad Apple? Every time I say the word temptation I sing the song in my head that the Bad Apple sings.
Everything that is bad for me is temptation. But I don't care...I just want to eat it anyway. I bought 2 shirts in XL yesterday. They were only $5 each but they are pretty cute. Unfortunately you can see where my bra straps squeeze my back. Nothing like a little backfat showing...
I have every intention of losing this dang weight but isn't the road to hell paved with good intentions?
I need a million dollars, a personal trainer and a personal chef and someone who can sit next to me all day long and monitor everything that goes in my mouth.
I have been busy today packing boxes, making sure Little Man pees in the potty and not on the floor, and doing laundry. Why is it that instead of the beautiful apples I grabbed the Costco muffin for breakfast?
I know what I need to eat I just don't want to. I feel entitled to eat what ever I want when I want it. I'll get it one of these days....
Everything that is bad for me is temptation. But I don't care...I just want to eat it anyway. I bought 2 shirts in XL yesterday. They were only $5 each but they are pretty cute. Unfortunately you can see where my bra straps squeeze my back. Nothing like a little backfat showing...
I have every intention of losing this dang weight but isn't the road to hell paved with good intentions?
I need a million dollars, a personal trainer and a personal chef and someone who can sit next to me all day long and monitor everything that goes in my mouth.
I have been busy today packing boxes, making sure Little Man pees in the potty and not on the floor, and doing laundry. Why is it that instead of the beautiful apples I grabbed the Costco muffin for breakfast?
I know what I need to eat I just don't want to. I feel entitled to eat what ever I want when I want it. I'll get it one of these days....
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
ergh
I don't feel like I have any motivation to lose this weight. I have no money to join a gym but that could change after we sell our house. I want to be healthy for my kids sake. I want to be around a long time for my husband. You would think I have every reason in the world to lose the 60ish pounds I need to lose.
I hate shopping because nothing fits. Try going with all of your skinny friends that think they need to lose weight.
It is to the point though that I really need a new pair of jeans. 2 of my favorite pairs have holes where the sun don't shine. I only have 1 pair left and they are not stretchy. grr.
Motivation......
I want to be thin and healthy. Do I want that because society makes me feel bad about myself? Do I care too much about what others think?
I want to be a good example for my kids. I know I need to show them good eating habits and not the cruddy ones I have.
I want to feel good about myself for my husband. I know he loves me no matter what but I want him to be proud of me too.
I feel like I have started every diet under the sun. The motivation lasts for about 3 days and something comes up to make me quit. I have a good friend who is doing great. Why can't I keep up the pace like she is?
ergh....
I hate shopping because nothing fits. Try going with all of your skinny friends that think they need to lose weight.
It is to the point though that I really need a new pair of jeans. 2 of my favorite pairs have holes where the sun don't shine. I only have 1 pair left and they are not stretchy. grr.
Motivation......
I want to be thin and healthy. Do I want that because society makes me feel bad about myself? Do I care too much about what others think?
I want to be a good example for my kids. I know I need to show them good eating habits and not the cruddy ones I have.
I want to feel good about myself for my husband. I know he loves me no matter what but I want him to be proud of me too.
I feel like I have started every diet under the sun. The motivation lasts for about 3 days and something comes up to make me quit. I have a good friend who is doing great. Why can't I keep up the pace like she is?
ergh....
Saturday, March 15, 2008
A new day
Well, yesterday I managed to stuff my face with everything in sight including but not limited to Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream, chocolate kissables, and chips.
Today is a new day though. I have been trying to keep track of points. So, I had:
An apple 1 pt
10 jelly bellys 1.5 points
salad with grilled chicken and balsamic vinaigrette dressing 6 points
M&Ms and kissables 2 points (1 small bag of m&ms divided between 6 people)
1 tortilla 3 points
93/7 ground beef 3 points
cheese 3 points
5 chips 3 points
1 WW fudge bar 1 points
So, I have had 23.5 points today. Yeah!
Today is a new day though. I have been trying to keep track of points. So, I had:
An apple 1 pt
10 jelly bellys 1.5 points
salad with grilled chicken and balsamic vinaigrette dressing 6 points
M&Ms and kissables 2 points (1 small bag of m&ms divided between 6 people)
1 tortilla 3 points
93/7 ground beef 3 points
cheese 3 points
5 chips 3 points
1 WW fudge bar 1 points
So, I have had 23.5 points today. Yeah!
Monday, March 10, 2008
I am a liar
I lie to myself and to others on a regular basis when it comes to food. Even worse I don't even feel bad about it....at least I didn't until I saw that video.
If I am counting points I don't write them all down. If I am counting calories I count fewer than I eat.
I eat stuff when no one is around so I can eat more. I don't feel like I am binging . I consider myself more of a grazer but now that I looked at that website maybe I am binging.
Ugh. One of my girlfriends at Life Group said "I don't eat a whole box of truffles because I know there will be consequences for that." We were discussing addictions and habits after the sermon last week. I have had a mindset for a long time that if I deny myself I will just eat the whole thing so why not indulge. The problem is I don't stop. I do eat the entire box of truffles because they are there and because I like the taste. They don't make me feel full, they don't make me feel sick. It is the same with Klondike Pretzel ice cream bars. I will eat 3 of them because I like the way they taste.
It has to stop. I have seen people lose a whole bunch of weight just to gain back more. I have lost a few pounds here and there but have pretty consistently kept gaining weight. I have been checked for thyroid issues and all of that. It doesn't seem to be medical. Of course the Dr we have gone to makes me feel like I am an idiot every time I am in there.
I saw something about a woman today that had lost over 100 pounds and people don't even recognize her anymore. To be a "healthy weight" I need to lose at least 65 pounds. It seems like such a hard road. I feel like I need to just cut out anything that tastes good and just eat lettuce. Yuck. It frustrates me to think about going on a diet or a "change of lifestyle" because apparently I have an unhealthy love affair with food. It makes me feel good. I love chocolate. I think there have been weeks when I have subsisted on chocolate and ice cream.
I read all the tricks like take a walk if you are tempted to cheat, drink a glass of water..you're probably thirsty, go scrapbook for awhile.
I feel like I have been in such a state of chaos for so long I don't know how to get out of it. We are trying to get our house ready to sell. That alone is stressing me out. It doesn't matter I still need to keep my head above water trying to clean the house and cook dinner. Those are normal things.
Small changes....another thing people say to do....
1. get rid of all the junk food
2. exercise at least 10 minutes a day
3. drink at least 8 glasses of water a day
4. tell a friend how I am doing
5. track every bite that goes in my mouth.
If anyone is reading this please feel free to comment. Any suggestions are welcome...
If I am counting points I don't write them all down. If I am counting calories I count fewer than I eat.
I eat stuff when no one is around so I can eat more. I don't feel like I am binging . I consider myself more of a grazer but now that I looked at that website maybe I am binging.
Ugh. One of my girlfriends at Life Group said "I don't eat a whole box of truffles because I know there will be consequences for that." We were discussing addictions and habits after the sermon last week. I have had a mindset for a long time that if I deny myself I will just eat the whole thing so why not indulge. The problem is I don't stop. I do eat the entire box of truffles because they are there and because I like the taste. They don't make me feel full, they don't make me feel sick. It is the same with Klondike Pretzel ice cream bars. I will eat 3 of them because I like the way they taste.
It has to stop. I have seen people lose a whole bunch of weight just to gain back more. I have lost a few pounds here and there but have pretty consistently kept gaining weight. I have been checked for thyroid issues and all of that. It doesn't seem to be medical. Of course the Dr we have gone to makes me feel like I am an idiot every time I am in there.
I saw something about a woman today that had lost over 100 pounds and people don't even recognize her anymore. To be a "healthy weight" I need to lose at least 65 pounds. It seems like such a hard road. I feel like I need to just cut out anything that tastes good and just eat lettuce. Yuck. It frustrates me to think about going on a diet or a "change of lifestyle" because apparently I have an unhealthy love affair with food. It makes me feel good. I love chocolate. I think there have been weeks when I have subsisted on chocolate and ice cream.
I read all the tricks like take a walk if you are tempted to cheat, drink a glass of water..you're probably thirsty, go scrapbook for awhile.
I feel like I have been in such a state of chaos for so long I don't know how to get out of it. We are trying to get our house ready to sell. That alone is stressing me out. It doesn't matter I still need to keep my head above water trying to clean the house and cook dinner. Those are normal things.
Small changes....another thing people say to do....
1. get rid of all the junk food
2. exercise at least 10 minutes a day
3. drink at least 8 glasses of water a day
4. tell a friend how I am doing
5. track every bite that goes in my mouth.
If anyone is reading this please feel free to comment. Any suggestions are welcome...
I just realized how fat I really am
Yeah, so last night we had a game night at our lifegroup. One of the guys was doing a video of the game. I just realized how completely fat I really am. I couldn't believe my eyes! I didn't look that fat in the mirror at my house! How can I look that fat on the video? I am at least twice the size of all of the other girls that were there if not more! Ahhhhhhhh
Ok, back on the diet today!
Ok, back on the diet today!
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